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| very PINK event shirt |
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| bike ready to go with number |
Then I remembered the call from my sister. The one where she told me that she had seen mom for the first time since Christmas and didn't recognizer her. That she had lost a lot of weight and was weak and in a wheelchair. And that she probably wouldn't make it though the next year. And a flood of memories and emotions all came back. I told Husband that I wasn't sure that I wanted to do this event this year because it now had some bad memories associated with it. But I decided that if I slept well, I'd just do it anyway.
This morning I got up, got dressed, and started packing the car and had an emotional melt down. I went back to bed and cried for awhile. Then I decided to get going and go do this. I was running out of time and it was now or never. So I grabbed my keys got in the car and headed on my way.
Unfortunately...in the midst of the melt down I guess I forgot to put my helmet in the car (d'oh!). When I showed up at the venue fairly last minute without my helmet, I decided that it simply wasn't meant to be this year and turned around and went home. Yes, I'm sure there were work-around options. I'm probably not the first person to show up without a helmet and probably could have borrowed or bought one this morning at the site, but my heart just wasn't in it.
We're now on plan B for the day, a bike ride with Husband.
Maybe the aqua-bike or tri will happen for me next year. But this year I'm a DNS.
Updated to add:
Plan B turned out to be a 32 mile bike ride on a path that was mostly new to me. I really enjoyed it. So at the end of the day, it's all good. No harm; no foul. Here are a few photos from the ride:
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| potty stop at a library. bathroom mirror selfy fail. hahah |
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| our bikes resting at a pit stop |
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| a cool looking old tree. love the bark pattern. |
Sorry that you didn't get to do the event. I imagine that the year after a loss like that does trigger a lot of memories. Lots of love to you. Glad your husband was supportive.
ReplyDeleteThx. I guess the memories and feeling are going to come when they come. I'm feeling better about everything now. And he's always been very supportive. I got lucky marrying him :-)
DeleteSorry to hear that you had a rough morning but it sounds like you made the right decision for yourself in the end, and turned the day around. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteIt is what it is. It turned out okay and I'm feeling better about everything now
DeleteSounds like it wasn't in the cards for you to ride that event. The shirt was pretty awesome tho! Glad you were able to salvage the day.
ReplyDelete~Wendy at Taking the Long Way Home
It all turned out fine in the end. Just not what I had planned for the day
DeleteSounds like you had a tough morning. There's not a lot you can do to stop those memories but time should make them hurt a bit less. And that 32 mile ride was probably a way better option in the end - building new memories.
ReplyDeleteYeah, the memories and emotion seemed to come out of nowhere. Didn't see them coming until they had taken over. I think I just need to experience whatever I'm feeling without judgement on myself. In the end...Got some new memories and it was a good day
DeleteGlad it turned out fine. New memories are good.
ReplyDeleteYes. New memories are very good
DeleteSometimes, we just have those mornings where the memories overflood us. I'm glad that you and your husband decided to make new memories. Love the tree pic.
ReplyDeleteI'm learning that memories come when they come. Can't really control it. It turned out good in the end. And that tree really did look pretty cool.
DeleteIt seems always complicated. Good job rallying with your Husband.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you have to go with your gut in order to get what you really need. Events that are associated with strong emotions are hard. I'm glad that you were able to salvage the day though and got to spend some time with your hubby.
ReplyDeleteSorry you had such a tough day...you did the right thing and went with your gut feeling. Glad the day still turned out to be a good one.
ReplyDelete